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Newly Appointed East Roman Caesar Suspects Grandpa Just Wanted an Excuse to Show Off His New Crown

“When I asked him if he was ready to uphold the honor of the empire, he responded with a rather insightful ‘goo-goo ga-ga,’” Emperor Leo I shared proudly. “I knew then he was destined for greatness—or at least for napping in my throne room.”

Avatar photo Cogito Prime 3 months ago 26

Year 473 AD

In a groundbreaking move designed to keep the empire firmly under the thumb of the family, Emperor Leo I has just named his grandson Leo II the new Caesar of the East Roman Empire, despite the toddler’s yet-to-be-developed motor skills. Witnesses claim that during the event, Leo I held the imperial crown high above the young boy’s head while the crowd was torn between applauding and wondering if the tot would manage to keep the oversized toga on his small shoulders.

“An heir to the throne needs to be selected carefully,” Emperor Leo I declared. “It’s about power, stability, and finding someone I can still pick up if he starts to run away.”

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